Depression,  OCD,  Suicidal Thoughts,  Writing

Harder To Write, Or Do Anything

I’m not breaking down sobbing, or stuck in bed 24/7…

But I’m still in this same, lingering mindset of hopelessness and misery.

I made the effort of spending time with my best friend yesterday (Thursday) and today (Friday) – but…

I don’t know.

It’s like embracing a different kind of distraction.

It’s enjoyable in the moment, but in the grander scheme has changed nothing.

I’d been making steady progress on a few writing projects recently… Less so blogging actively here than I should be, but still. Two short stories, each approaching 10,000 words at the moment – one right at that number, the other with more of a gap to close.

But now I’m finding it harder to progress, day by day.

I wrote, maybe, 300-350 words yesterday – a paltry sum, but still *something* at least. But almost nothing today. Maybe a bit before sleep, which will be coming (hopefully) shortly.

I’d been writing more daily, before. But then I’d felt like I was writing the central, more developed story for someone. And now, doubting it would even meet their approval or tastes? It feels like the wind has left my sails.

I don’t know whether to complete it out of a sense of dedication to the initial endeavor, or to file it away as another abandoned draft…

Or maybe it doesn’t even matter.

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